Let's go~

Been pretty unhappy lately. Allowing myself to be unhappy actually. Really don't want to be this way anymore:'(

Plenty of ideas that I want to execute in a short while (thanks Felix for this totally in apt expression) Gonna push myself to get them done! In stead of moping around at home like a dead soul.

MARCH WILL BE BETTTER!!!
lost hopes and loop holes GET AWAY FROM ME!~

I don't know

Seems to be one of my favourite phrases of late.
Everything is a blur, unknown. I'm not sure what I'm doing. At times, I'm aware, but most of the time it just blurs past.

There's so much I would love to do, kill to do. But things are always seemingly out of reach. They can be presented right under my nose, only to slip out of my grasp in a snap.
I'm not even sure where to go and look anymore.

Today was Drago's 12th birthday. And he's becoming really big. I uncovered an essay I wrote about him  for school when I was 15. Can't believe how much he's grown, and how much more he needs to grow. Seeing him is like seeing me when I was 12. Well, in some ways. Similar DNA runs in our blood.

Hopefully, the coming week and coming months will be better. Hopefully my mind treats me right.

Happy Valentines' everyone! I miss the girls school days where no one (hardly anyone I think?) will feel lonely<3



Laneway was really great, took me out of the blues, left me feeling I could take on anything and still be happy. But Monday brought me back to reality. Guys, back to work.

If I don't get the fuck out of here by my 21st year, I think I might just suffocate and die.
Nothing wrong with everyone else really, it's a personal thing.

wish that all parents will do this.
Bet it'll kill asian/indian parents to do this

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/five-year-old-raised-gender-neutral.html

Strange week with strange things happening here and there. Strange feelings I can't quite portray.

Happy, sad, excitement, anxiety,  sense of loss, sense of achievement. Felt it all in these couple of days.

So as usual, as the festive season approaches, I have devoted myself into reminiscing and being nostalgic over spilt milk (if that even makes sense).

No bros over for dinner this year, my first new year without my 宝贝granny and another year without my sis and her family. 

And apart from that, my mum seems to be in an elongated stage of ignorance that's driving me up the wall. She posted this on Facebook:

with the photo caption being

Wish everyone are back home in Singaproe for the CNY....
With Jude Liew, Cleopatra Tan, Chloe Tan, Drago Tan

Yeah I understadn perfectly that I'm just over reacting and being a crazy neurotic female but doesn't mean I can prevent myself from being totally affected and annoyed.

PS: I miss you guys so much Cleo, Jude and Xander.

And then earlier on this week, one of the best news I can receive in my entire life, quickly turned into one of the biggest disappointment.

So much for hopes and dreams.




Besides that, my first season for TP ended strangely too.

I guess the friends were right. I really do need sometime for myself. Not work, not friends, not family, not running around helping people but just doing things for myself.
But I wish so much that I had enough time, energy and ability to reach out to everyone, everything and that I can be everywhere. I really really wish I can.

Pain in the Ass

Frauds copycats
Highly annoyed and frustrated.
Guess that makes me just like them.
Do I have to get off to get in?

Thank you 2011, a year full of ups and downs as always.
Today I learnt that we are beings in a midst of transition. I knew it always, but it's always different to learn it in technical terms and statistics.

May 2012 pass with bliss and success for everyone!

PS: I want to head out of the country this year, for various reasons

Nothing ever ever seems to work out the way you want it to,
and no matter how bravely you try to face up with it, you still crumble
Always midway in, and midway out.

Crumble is such a deliciously painful word

Have a merry xmas everyone, I had a great start but i'm sure that as the day carries on i'll definitely let them thoughts get into me.

Missing granny, sis, cousins, loved ones too much now
Goodnight<3

Dearest Granny

So basically, things have been shaken up pretty drastically.

What am I doing here now? When I should really be driving my fabric scissors down your throat?
You caused your mother so much pain and still remain plainly oblivious and blind. Driven only by greed and by money. Both of you, husband and wife, you are not so different from one another. Only one motive in life- MONEY.

Yeah it is important, I go all out to make sure that I have enough money for myself. But you see, the highlight here is enough because it never seems to be enough for you guys. There must always be more more more.

More is always better, with more money, I wouldn't be stuck in Singapore, with more money, I wouldn't have to stand a noisy strange cranky home machine, I can just get a industrial machine. fuck might as well get a fabric printer and yeah hire some dyeing professionals too. Fucking hell money is important.

But what wouldn't I do for money? Hurt my family? Become a heartless prick? Be an asshole to the people who stick to you even though you are poor?




Alright, it's not even making sense anymore.
Point is, really, there are still things that are more important than money. Never understood why ties have to be broken because of this piece of cotton. (in today's sense plastic)
You want some muslin instead?  It's cotton too.

You drove your mum out, well she left on her own accord. But after all these years of tolerating, what made her leave only now? And you still blame her.


Yeah go on, blame everyone else but you.

In the midst of a monster project right now, and comparatively to the previous block, I seem to be less interested.
Training's happening now as well and I foresee it taking up way too much of my energy.
Hopefully the coming season won't affect the 2 modules block too much.


With work and everything even, hopefully all will pass right by smoothly and comfortably.



The father and the mother needs to take a fucking chill pill, and stop fucking spending unnecessary dimes on the useless brother and use that goddamn money on me instead so I no longer have to work (thoughI'll very much rather work and not take their money).
Nonetheless, the way they throw their money away makes you wonder why the fuck you're working so hard when they obviously still can afford shit like that.

Look ma! No hands!

Are we supposed to make the same kind of advancements and improvements?
How do we get rid of the bad and retain only the good?
Is it right to draw inspiration from one another?

Too much to think about but for now let's enjoy the good ole times

Flash ME

Flash Flash Flash~~

Multi Media Fundamentals and Apparel Design Project is out to kill
Submissions both on Wednesday, giving me the right day to go for Holy Fucks!

Poly Pockets are coming in soon as well!!

Some changes were made to my room earlier on and hopefully it can accomodate my new babies!

Speaking of babies there are two news I would like to share:

1. My baby Nephew X is walking<333

2. My kidswear project seems to be going on pretty alright as well~

Hope it turns out real cute!

    

Urgh hate this, taking it all back again.

Sometimes even if one doesn't mean for it to happen, it still did. No amount of regrets/excuses/explanations can make anything better

For various reasons, I would like to take another vacation out.