Not meant to be an emotional post though it does sound like one and is inspired by some sad emotions.
Dear sissys:
I love you guys so much that I myself can't seem to understand and grasp. And as I grow older I realise how foolish I have been as a child and how incredibly kind you guys have been to me.
(Looking at Drago now, that was me. Whether or not he remains that way or turns out like me, well I am better now than then, we canot know yet, but we can hope and maybe even mould him.)
As I was saying, you guys have been kind and over the years, things that you guys have said to me have been absolutely out of pure goodwill and kind intentions. I know you guys wish the best for me. I too, for you guys.
So what happens when one of us gets hurt? The other two support. Support is a shallow word but it seems sufficiently adequate to get my point across.
You two have been with me through my toughest point as of today. And I cannot say that I have for you guys since I was never as close to you guys as you guys were to each other. But I certainly try my best. And knowing that I have you and you in my life, I feel safe. A simple, snuggling type of security.
I know people hardly read this space anymore, that's why I'm doing this here now.
Dad has always been like that. He was, is now, will always be. Sometimes we have to go through little sacrifices to satisfy his thirst for power and total-control. We have all been made to lose a little of what we have because of him. The three of us, granny, mummy and I'm sure in time to come Drago too. Hell, even our relatives get shit in return of favours we did for him.
He is the modern time Hitler.
But then again, all rulers will fall one day. It's a horrid thought for one's own father but it's the best we can hope for, for ourselves and our forever-fucking-sacrificing-so-much-stuff mother.
We seriously can't keep this up. It's cruel, forcing your daughter to make a choice between two important people in her life. And forcing your wife to make a choice between her husband's satisfaction and her daughter's possible-life-time happiness.
Look where his ego brought all our past relationships to.
We're not yours you motherfucking(literally, though not to my mum, nor his) man
I hope one day he reads this. Hope he reads it tomorrow. Hope he reads it amongst playing angry birds while his daughter suffers in silence. Hope he could be so ashamed that he kneels down in front of us.
One day, he will have to. Just like his own father probably has to do for him before he will ever forgive him. Wow, in many ways they're so alike. Going to wash off my father's traits from myself, starting tomorrow. I will still be nice to him of course, why not? I get nice phones, nice fatass wallet, and it keeps my mum happy.
But, I am done respecting him as my elder.
The only thing he has taught me is that:
1- I should never become like him
2- My dates/boyfriends/husband/partner/whatever should never ever ever ever ever ever be like him. NEVER.
3- That if my brother, or if ever- my sons/children, ever turn out like him, I should disinherit them and break off all contact.
4- (this is the suckiest part but the true-est) IF ever I find myself in my mum's shoes. It's time to turn and run.
period.
My granny's life was tough, fucked up husband and fucked up sons who hate their father but turned out exactly like him. Ironic huh
My brother better watch his shit because he will get his dick smashed in between car doors if he ever became like my dad.
